I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
