I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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