Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
