i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
