I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The power of my boobs compel you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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