I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My vagina is officially offended.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
