We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
