Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
