Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
