This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
