How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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