thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
