If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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