i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
