I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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