I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
