I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
