i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
