Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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