i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
