Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
