i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
