I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
