YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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