god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
