matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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