Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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