i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
