Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
