Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
