She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
