Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When are your genitals available?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize