I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
