I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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