The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
this is an emotional support booty call
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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