Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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