There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
