i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
