so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Someone came in the potted fern
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
