Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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