And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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