my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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