this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
