I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
