Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
