she woke up with a sticky ear
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
