i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
