Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
