Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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