The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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