Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
