He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
