Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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