So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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