ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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