ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
