Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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