You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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