I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Someone came in the potted fern
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
