I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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