I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
