My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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