Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
