i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
