i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
