when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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