R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
