Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
