I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
